Many people only have one framework from which to process what happened to you and that is an “affair”. These people have little to no understanding of what constitutes abuse, particularly when adults are involved. To differentiate between the two, it is important to understand the nature of consent and power differentials.

An affair occurs when two adults freely choose to pursue an emotional and/or sexual relationship outside of their marriages. An affair implies that there is mutual consent and equal power from both parties. However, consent is not possible when there is a power imbalance. Power imbalances are present when one person has a fiduciary duty due to their position (i.e., required to act in the best interest of the other person).

When an imbalance in positional power is present, there is an unavoidable asymmetrical relationship that nullifies the ability to fully consent and is the primary reason it is correctly labeled abuse.

Adult clergy sexual abuse occurs when someone in a ministerial role (pastor, priest, therapist, professor, etc.) uses their position and power to sexually exploit or harm someone under their care or authority. This type of abuse can occur whether that was the intended outcome or not.

Blythe, A. (Host) (2021). Dave Gemmel: The truth about clergy sexual misconduct. [Audio podcast episode] Betrayal Trauma Recovery. Retrieved from www.btr.org

Clergy Sexual Misconduct. (2022). Shining a light on adult clergy abuse. Clergy Sexual Misconduct Information & Resources. Retrieved from www.clergysexualmisconduct.com

Not in Our Church. (2022). An abuse of power: It’s not an affair. Not in our Church Awareness Page. Retrieved from www.notinourchurch.com

Pooler, D. (2019, September 11). It is not an affair: It is abuse. Baptist Women in Ministry (BWIM). Retrieved from www.bwim.info