Frequently Asked Questions

ACSA occurs when a spiritual authority figure including an elder, pastor, boss, counselor, professor or even a lay leader uses their role to exploit and abuse someone who is under their care through sexualized behavior. This can be in person or online. It is often in combination with other types of abuse: emotional, psychological or financial. Abuse of this type is characterized by an imbalance of power in which the spiritual authority figure has more positional power than the target and uses that power to exploit or harm, harass or control the victim.

This sexualized behavior from a spiritual authority figure to an adult under their care or authority is always abuse for the following reasons:

There is a misuse of power and asymmetrical authority. The clergy person is misusing their power to serve their own needs rather than honoring their sacred pastoral role.

Clergy members are granted inherent trust and privilege because of their pastoral role. The clergy person is exploiting the victim's trust and vulnerability by taking advantage of her needs for his personal gain.

Mutual consent is not possible because of the imbalance of power between the clergy person and the victim. For consent to be possible, there must be equality, choice, freedom from fear, and truthful transparency (e.g., no deception).

David K Pooler - social work professor at Baylor University, academic researcher and advocate for survivors of clergy sexual abuse, defines and succinctly explains what ACSA in 9 minutes.

Clergy Sexual Misconduct. (2021). Adult Clergy Sexual Misconduct (CSM) Explained. Clergy Sexual Misconduct Information & Resources. Retrieved from www.clergysexualmisconduct.com

Mennonite Central Committee Canada. (2022, January 25). What is clergy sexual misconduct? Abuse Response & Prevention. Retrieved from Abuse Response Preventon

Adult clergy sexual abuse (ACSA) encompasses a range of inappropriate and abusive behaviors by clergy members directed at adults. While physical sexual contact is certainly a form of ACSA, the sexual abuse can take many forms that do not necessarily involve physical touch.

If a clergy member uses their authority to push personal, intimate boundaries—such as sharing overly personal, romantic, or sexual feelings with someone in their congregation—it is classified as ACSA, even without physical interaction.

Nonphysical forms of sexual abuse may include explicit remarks, overly familiar pet names, lengthy gazes, or sexually suggestive conversations, among other various behaviors.  Some common examples include, “If I was your husband…,” “God created sex, you should not be uncomfortable talking to me about it…,” “If only we had met before we were married…,” “I’ve never felt this connected to anyone else….” Coercing someone into sexualized conversation by playing on their fears, guilt, or vulnerabilities, especially within a spiritual or religious context, is abusive behavior.

Sexual abuse can take many forms, and what matters is the exploitation of power and trust rather than just physical boundaries being crossed.

Early signs of spiritual and sexual abuse are often exhibited in some combination of the following behaviors:

Inappropriate dialogue, questions, or conversations are a red flag that the abuser is grooming the victim. Communication that may begin as overly personal will often gradually take on a sexualized nature . The sexualized talk could include comments about one’s appearance, questioning sexual history or behaviors, or making sexually explicit jokes.

Changing roles or dynamics is also an early sign of abuse. This occurs when the person in a ministerial role asks you to pray for them, seeks advice, or discloses personal challenges. They treat the victim as their confidante and the victim is flattered that they are viewed as worthy enough to be trusted.

Secrecy is one of the hallmarks of abuse. Secrecy goes beyond the requirements of professional discretion because the inherent nature of the relationship is secret and violating behaviors are hidden. Secrecy can be in the form of private meetings, phone calls, messages, or gift-giving.

Perpetrators will often attempt to manipulate the victim and the situation by exerting authority about their knowledge or training on particular topics. For instance, twisting or misusing scriptures to justify their abusive behavior is a strategy abusers may use to silence and control the victim. This grooming technique is employed when the perpetrator tries to convince the victim that the offenses do not qualify as sin and should be kept hidden.

It is important to remember that all of the proceeding behaviors are inappropriate since they violate the fiduciary duty the perpetrator has within specific relational contexts (e.g., pastor to congregant, therapist to client, or teacher to student). Additionally, it is most common that boundaries are tested before they are outright violated which is an indicator that there is intentional grooming on the part of the person in authority.

Clergy Sexual Misconduct. (2021). Signs of clergy sexual misconduct (CSM). Clergy Sexual Misconduct Information & Resources. Retrieved from www.clergysexualmisconduct.com

Mennonite Central Committee Canada. (2022, January 25). What is clergy sexual misconduct? Abuse Response & Prevention. Retrieved from www.abuseresponseandprevention.ca

Many victims of ACSA experience thoughts such as “Why didn’t I speak up when I felt uncomfortable and stop it?” “I kept it a secret so it must be my fault.” and “I’m an adult, I should have told someone sooner and gotten out of the situation.”

However, here are six reasons you are not to blame for your abuse (Scheffers, 2018):

1. You had a right to expect your abuser would honor his professional contract.

2. Your idealization of your pastor was normal.

3. Your abuser’s grooming was incremental and entrapping.

4. Your attachment to your pastor was normal. His intensification of that attachment was not.

5. Your abuser controlled the relationship.

6. You are not to be blamed for being naïve and needy.

Additionally, many survivors relate to experiencing a trauma response known as “fawning” and this may account for why they didn’t confide in someone, leave, or confront their abuser.

The “fawn response” is characterized by putting others' needs before your own, feeling codependent, or prioritizing pleasing others. This response is often confused by victim-blamer type people with complicity or camaraderie with the abuser.

To understand more about the “fawn response” and its relationship to abuse, read more from the below cited resources.

Raypole, C. (2021, August 26). Fight, flight, freeze, or Fawn? understanding trauma responses. The Beginner’s Guide to Trauma Responses. Retrieved from www.healthline.com

Ryder, G. (2022, January 10). Fawn response: Adding to the fight, flight, or freeze framework. Psych Central. Retrieved from www.psychcentral.com

Scheffers, M. (2018). Why Adult Victims of Clergy Sexual Abuse Are Not to Blame [White paper]. Retrieved from www.markscheffers.com

The power differential between clergy and congregants means that a person in a position of authority always holds the position of power. Clergy abusers use manipulation, grooming, gaslighting, the twisting of scripture, and other tactics to make victims feel like they are in control of themselves and the situation, when they are not.

Often times abusers will even tell victims that they have the power in the relationship, convincing them that they “wanted it” or even pursued the relationship.

Clergy have power over congregants because of their position of authority - specifically spiritual authority. Even when the victim felt that aspects within the relationship were mutual, consent is never possible in a clergy to congregant power dynamic.

Cooper White, P. (n.d.). Soul Stealing: Power Relations in Pastoral Sexual Abuse part 1 and part 2. The Survivors Network of Those Abused by Priests. Retrieved from www.snapnetwork.org

Because of the power dynamics between clergy and congregants, consent is not possible.

The perpetrator had spiritual authority over the victim and is seen by congregants (consciously or subconsciously), as someone who has a special relationship with God and is elevated above the other congregants.

Because there is an assumed trust that comes with the position of a spiritual leader, congregants assume that the clergy person has their best interest in mind and does not have evil intentions.

When clergy break that trust, it is never the victim’s fault; it is always the responsibility of the clergy to set boundaries and keep the relationship within those boundaries. When they do not do so it is always a betrayal of the fiduciary duty of clergy and never the victim’s fault.

Since this type of abuse involves grooming, manipulation, and deception, it is important for the victim to realize that they do not have control over the mistreatment and the blame lies solely with the perpetrator.

Scheffers, M. (2018). Why Adult Victims of Clergy Sexual Abuse Are Not to Blame [White paper]. Retrieved from www.markscheffers.com

Smith, J. A. (2021). Clergy Sexual Misconduct: Why Victims Should Not be Blamed. Spiritual Sounding Board. Retrieved from www.spiritualsoundingboard.com

Yes, adults can be groomed. The grooming process is gradual and it can occur both in-person and online. Grooming may include the following steps or stages:

• Abusers target their victim

• Abusers gain the trust of the victim through gifts, flattery, sharing ‘secrets’, offers of friendship, special privileges, displaying common interests etc.

• Abusers may attempt to identify and fill a need in their victim with the goal of convincing the victim that the abuser is the only person who can meet that need

• Abusers may try to isolate the victim from loved ones or their support system by creating a secretive dynamic

• It is important to note that when an abuser grooms a victim, the groomer’s intent is not relevant when we consider the impact on the victim

Once these actions have been employed, the target is highly susceptible to abuse.

The abuser will diligently work to maintain control of the victim through a variety of tactics (e.g., emotional blackmail, shame, threats of violence, violence).

CLICK HERE TO LISTEN AS TAMRA SHARES HER STORY OF BEING GROOMED BY HER PASTOR.

Campaign Against Adult Grooming. (2021). What is adult grooming? CAAGe. Retrieved from www.caage.org

Survivors Network of those Abused by Priests (SNAP). (2018). Understanding Adult Vulnerability: What Makes Adults Vulnerable. Survivors Network of those Abused by Priests. Retrieved from www.snapnetwork.org

Yes, there is often a predictable pattern that abusers follow while they are grooming their victims, particularly within religious organizations or environments. However, there can be variance so the steps listed below may differ and are generalized.

The victim is made to feel important and valuable.

Abusers encourages dependence on themselves, so the victim feels like they need the abuser's help, support, or guidance.

The abuser convinces the victim that she is needed. This is usually accomplished by sharing confidential information about the religious organization, other congregants or clients and/ or confiding in her about his personal problems.

If the abuse is sexual in nature, then once trust and dependence have been established, the abuser will slowly initiate seemingly appropriate intimate contact (e.g., hug after a meeting, compliment clothing or looks, placing a hand on the victim’s back, or holding hands as a comforting gesture). The abuser gradually increases the frequency and intensity of the sexualized behavior.

Lastly, the abuser introduces and engages in blatantly abusive (and possibly sexual) behavior.

Block, H. (2011). Understanding sexual abuse-mennonite central committee. Retrieved from www.mcc.org

Survivors Network of those Abused by Priests (SNAP). (2018). Understanding adult vulnerability: 5 ways religious leaders create an environment to abuse adults. Survivors Network of those Abused by Priests. Retrieved from www.snapnetwork.org

No, this is not true, and abusers often employ this manipulation tactic to convince the victim that what is happening is acceptable and even good.

Because of the spiritual authority that clergy have over victims, employing this type of intentional verbal manipulation easily creates confusion and is disorienting for the victim.

Victims often have thoughts like, “If God says this is good then it must be good” or “If I am an answer to this person’s prayer then supporting them in a ‘relationship’ is a ministry.” Abusers often employ grooming tactics to further exploit the power imbalance between themselves and the victim. Since there is already a spiritual power differential, they will further use this aspect of the victim’s life to assert control by “speaking for God” or “interpreting the scripture” in a way that serves their goal of abuse and control.

When a clergy person intentionally misuses spiritual practices to groom a victim, it is always abuse; it is always self-serving; and is always evil.

Phillips, M., & Dahl, J. (2018). The grooming behavior of pastor-predators-part 1. Listen Carefully: Bringing to light those truths which have been neglected. Retrieved from www.mikeinsac.com

Phillips, M., & Dahl, J. (2018). The grooming behavior of pastor-predators-part 2. Listen Carefully: Bringing to light those truths which have been neglected. Retrieved from www.mikeinsac.com

WebMD Editorial Contributors. (2020). Signs of Spiritual Abuse. WebMD. Retrieved from www.webmd.com

Understanding adult clergy sexual abuse is the first step in getting out of the abuse. Many victims feel confused and want to rely on their abuser for support. However, because of the effects of grooming and abuse, it is critical that the victim get distance (physical, emotional, and social) from the abuser and cut off contact so she can stabilize her thinking and make a plan to disclose the situation. Writing out the events surrounding the abuse or constructing a timeline often helps in gaining clarity of the situation (and may be useful later on if litigation is pursued).

Ending interaction with the abuser can be difficult because the abuser will often employ manipulation tactics to maintain control of the victim and the situation. Therefore, sharing the abuse with a trusted, safe person is an important step in ending the cycle of abuse. This person should understand that the relationship was abuse and not a consensual affair. It is recommended that whomever the survivor discloses to is not closely linked to the abuser or the institution where the abuse occurred. Additionally, the survivor should talk with a trusted counselor or therapist on how to navigate the trauma and begin the healing process.

Clergy Sexual Misconduct. (2021). End the “relationship”. Clergy Sexual Misconduct Information & Resources. Retrieved from www.clergysexualmisconduct.com

Clergy Sexual Misconduct. (2021). Tell the appropriate person or people. Clergy Sexual Misconduct Information & Resources. Retrieved from www.clergysexualmisconduct.com

The continued emotional connection is often a result of “trauma bonding.” Trauma bonding is the emotional attachment a victim feels for the perpetrator due to the cyclical pattern of experienced abuse. Trauma bonding is the reason that cutting off contact with the abuser feels overwhelming, confusing, and hopeless. Victims describe feeling incomplete or lost without interaction with the abuser and often confuse those feelings with love. These bonds often occur when there are roots of control, a power imbalance, and unhealthy dependence. Characteristics of trauma bonding may include the victim:

Experiencing physical or emotional distress when trying to leave the “relationship”

Covering up or making excuses for the abuser's behavior

Feeling unhappy and discontent with the abuser, but not being able to end it

Believing the abuser will change after the victim expresses the desire to end the “relationship”

Fixating on the happy moments to convince herself the situation is worth staying in

Describing the “relationship” as addictive

Keeping the abuse a secret

It often requires professional help to successfully break a trauma bond and deal with its impact (e.g., depression, anxiety, low self-esteem, etc.). Victims of adult clergy sexual abuse should seek out a therapist or counselor that specializes in trauma to begin the healing process.

Broxtowe Women's Project. (2021). Trauma bonding- Why you can't stop loving the narcissist. Retrieved from www.broxtowewomensproject.org.uk

Raypole, C. (2020). How to recognize and break traumatic bonds. Healthline. Retrieved from www.healthline.com

Survivors Network of those Abused by Priests (SNAP). (n.d.). Resources for survivors. SNAP Resources. Retrieved from www.snapnetwork.org

There is help and resources available for victims of adult clergy sexual abuse. Reckoning with this type of abuse is intensely traumatic and most survivors need assistance to begin processing the experience. Reaching out to a trained counselor can be the starting point to beginning the process of healing. In addition, peer support is foundational and indispensable to a victim's healing.

The National Suicide Prevention Lifeline connects survivors struggling with thoughts of suicide or depression to a trained counselor that will listen, understand, empathize, and connect the survivor to resources. Support can be reached by dialing 1-800-273-8255 or 988 (available to everyone across the United States by July 16, 2022) by calling or texting.

Clergy Sexual Misconduct - Information and Resources. (2021). Information and resources available to adult CSM victims. Clergy Sexual Misconduct Information & Resources. Retrieved from www.clergysexualmisconduct.com

National Suicide Prevention Lifeline. (n.d.). Talk to someone now. Retrieved from www.suicidepreventionlifeline.org

The Hope of Survivors. (n.d.). Are you feeling suicidal? The Hope of Survivors. Retrieved from www.thehopeofsurvivors.org

Adult clergy sexual abuse occurs because perpetrators groom their victims. The first phase of the grooming process is to establish a sense of authenticity, friendship, and safety. Often, the perpetrator gives the victim excessive amounts of time and attention. It is the kindness and emotional connection that encourages the victim to lower her guard enough to trust the abuser.

Over a period of time, the abuser will manipulate the victim into becoming dependent on them while testing and pushing boundaries that should be in place when there is a power differential, particularly one of a spiritual nature. It is only because of the deception masquerading as kindness that the abuse is possible. Extensive grooming tactics may even convince victims that the relationship was consensual even though that is not possible given the imbalance of power and manipulation.

Mullen, W. (2022, March 25). When pleasant words hide harmful intentions. When Pleasant Words Hide Harmful Intentions. Retrieved from www.wademullen.substack.com

Phillips, M., & Dahl, J. (2018). Shattering the lens. The grooming behavior of pastor-predators. Listen Carefully: Bringing to light those truths which have been neglected. Retrieved from www.mikeinsac.com

Many people only have one framework from which to process what happened to you and that is an “affair”. These people have little to no understanding of what constitutes abuse, particularly when adults are involved. To differentiate between the two, it is important to understand the nature of consent and power differentials.

An affair occurs when two adults freely choose to pursue an emotional and/or sexual relationship outside of their marriages. An affair implies that there is mutual consent and equal power from both parties. However, consent is not possible when there is a power imbalance. Power imbalances are present when one person has a fiduciary duty due to their position (i.e., required to act in the best interest of the other person).

When an imbalance in positional power is present, there is an unavoidable asymmetrical relationship that nullifies the ability to fully consent and is the primary reason it is correctly labeled abuse.

Adult clergy sexual abuse occurs when someone in a ministerial role (pastor, priest, therapist, professor, etc.) uses their position and power to sexually exploit or harm someone under their care or authority. This type of abuse can occur whether that was the intended outcome or not.

Blythe, A. (Host) (2021). Dave Gemmel: The truth about clergy sexual misconduct. [Audio podcast episode] Betrayal Trauma Recovery. Retrieved from www.btr.org

Clergy Sexual Misconduct. (2022). Shining a light on adult clergy abuse. Clergy Sexual Misconduct Information & Resources. Retrieved from www.clergysexualmisconduct.com

Not in Our Church. (2022). An abuse of power: It’s not an affair. Not in our Church Awareness Page. Retrieved from www.notinourchurch.com

Pooler, D. (2019, September 11). It is not an affair: It is abuse. Baptist Women in Ministry (BWIM). Retrieved from www.bwim.info

First and foremost, the abuse is never the victim's fault. The responsibility to maintain appropriate boundaries always lies with the person that has the power and authority in the relationship. This holds true regardless of the nature of the relationship such as pastor to congregant, therapist to client, priest to parishioner, employer to employee, etc.

However, it is true that ACSA survivors often come out of their abuse feeling confused about their responsibility for a number of reasons:

You might have been told that it was your fault by your abuser, religious institution or others.

You might not yet be educated in abuse dynamics.

You might have experienced the trauma responses of freezing or fawning which felt passive.

You may struggle to accept the powerlessness of victimhood

You experienced psychological or physical pleasure.

However none of the above factors or any other make you responsible or at fault for your abuse in any way.

Some survivors will feel responsible for the vulnerabilities they had that were exploited by the person that abused them. It’s important to know that every human has vulnerabilities which could be exploited, especially when a power dynamic is present.

In addition, some good personality traits like compassion and kindness can become vulnerabilities in certain settings. So please know that your vulnerabilities are nothing to be ashamed of or blame yourself for. Your vulnerabilities were not a bad thing but the exploitation of them was.

If you are coming out of your abuse feeling powerless, a way to regain agency and voice is to spend time with a licensed trauma and abuse informed therapist to identify and address these vulnerabilities .

Langberg, D. (2020). Redeeming Power: Understanding Authority and Abuse in the Church. Brazos Press.

Roys, J. (Host) (2021). Dr. Diane Langberg: Understanding adult clergy abuse (No. 72) [Audio podcast episode] The Roys Report Podcast. Retrieved from www.julieroys.com

Shin, Hyan Ji & Salter, M. (2022) Betrayed by my body: Survivor experiences of sexual arousal and psychological pleasure during sexual violence, Journal of Gender-Based Violence, forthcoming.

Forgiveness and reconciliation are not the same things.

You don’t owe your abuser anything and often reconciliation with an abuser can be dangerous. Everyone’s healing will be different and is framed by their unique violating experience and life conditions.

Forgiveness is a personal choice that belongs solely to the victim. The victim may choose to forgive the abuser publicly or privately yet never reconcile in any meaningful way.

When someone has shown no sign of repentance or has not made an effort to make amends for the hurt they’ve caused, requiring one to forgive is an abusive tactic that is often part of a strategy to mitigate the violation enacted by the abuser. It is damaging to expect yourself (or others to expect you) to forgive out of obligation, pressure, or automaticity.

Research has shown that forgiveness can aid in the overall health of a survivor. However, this can be done without ever publicly or privately declaring your position. It is important to understand that forgiving someone does not undo the harm that was done, nor does it relieve the incurred consequences of their abusive actions.

Fortune, M. (n.d.). The role of forgiveness & reconciliation. Survivors Awaken the Church. Retrieved from www.survivorsawakenthechurch.com

Held Evans, R. (2014, December 28). On forgiveness and abuse. Rachel Held Evans. Retrieved from www.rachelheldevans.com

Weir, K. (2017, January). Forgiveness can improve mental and physical health: Research shows how to get there. Monitor on Psychology. Retrieved from www.apa.org

From a practical standpoint, studying, communicating, and leading are all skills that anyone, religious or secular can possess. Therefore, even when these skills are utilized with mastery in a religious community, it is not indicative that someone has a relationship with God or has strong character. It is erroneous and presumptive to associate the ability to teach or lead with integrity.

An abuser’s teaching may have a positive impact on one’s life or bring them closer to God, but that influence exists outside of the context of the abuser. Scriptural truth, even taught by an abuser, is still truth and can be applied in a meaningful way. It is possible that a spiritual leader may perform some job requirements well, however, the role of religious leaders also comes with the duty to care for the people under their care; when that duty is violated, the leader is no longer qualified to continue leading.

Baker, M. (n.d.). How Do Wolves Become Overseers of The Sheep? Hope for Life. Retrieved from

www.hopeforlifeonline.com

Thomas, C. (2017). A Pastor’s Character Over His Competence | For the Church. For The Church. Retrieved www.tc.co/resource-library

Oftentimes, abusers will intentionally gather “evidence” to keep in case their victim tells anyone what is happening to them.

They will use these items as “proof” of consent. There will be people that see these things and believe that it is proof that this was a consensual affair. However, it is critical to remember that consent is not possible because of the power differential between clergy and congregants.

Certain types of “evidence” such as exchanging gifts or written communication may also be part of the grooming process. Victims often struggle with not being believed after they acknowledge or disclose the abuse. However, it is important for the victim to continue to remind herself of the truth of the abuse. She knows what did and did not happen and others outside of the abuse do not.

Additionally, others rarely understand power dynamics, adult grooming, and adult clergy abuse. Victims cannot convince everyone of the truth and should do their best to share their story with safe, trusted people that are open to learning about the nature of adult clergy sexual abuse. Telling and not being believed is painful. The rejection and silence from one’s community is often called the “second wound” because the silence and unbelief are difficult for a victim to navigate.

There is support in communities of survivors that understand adult clergy sexual abuse and where victims will be believed.

Mennonite Central Committee Canada. (2022, January 25). What is clergy sexual misconduct?

Abuse Response & Prevention. Retrieved from

www.abuseresponseandprevention.ca

National Domestic Violence Hotline. (2021). Why Didn’t You Say Anything? About Abuse. Retrieved from

www.thehotline.org

Psychological Impacts of Sexual Grooming by Clergy. (2011). The Silent Majority: Adult Victims of Sexual Exploitation by Clergy. Retrieved from www.adultsabusedbyclergy.org

The decision to stay or leave a community or institution is a deeply personal decision and should be informed by several factors such as the amount of support and understanding from the church members, the degree of responsibility and accountability accepted by the leaders, and the survivor's personal feelings towards the community.

It is often difficult for survivors to find healing in the place where they have been hurt. However, this does not mean it is impossible and each situation is unique. Many survivors indicate that it is beneficial for them to seek refuge, at least temporarily and often permanently, in another church or institution while they process the abuse and begin the healing process.

As a survivor of abuse, it is not your responsibility to protect the reputation of the religious institution under the misguided notion that “this is the best way to protect your faith community.” If your abuse is new or newly acknowledged, then allow yourself to be ministered to and step back from any serving roles that do not aid in your healing. You cannot spread light with darkness, so it is critical to take the time to recognize your wounds, seek healing, and allow people to care for you in this season.

Thomas, R. (2020, August 27). Spiritual abuse- When it is time to leave. Rick Thomas.net. Retrieved from www.rickthomas.net

Most survivors of adult clergy sexual abuse (ACSA) feel the need to receive help as they are healing from their experience. Since this particular type of abuse is highly traumatic, it is important to look for a therapist that is trauma-informed and has experience with ACSA.

Others close to the survivor may also benefit from receiving therapy from a professional to process the harm that has been done and begin to heal. It is perfectly acceptable and encouraged to ask interview-type questions of the therapist to ensure they are equipped to meet the needs of the survivor as well as others impacted by the abuse.

In order to ascertain whether a therapist is a “good fit”, personality, style, and counselling environment should be considered. It is important that the survivor feels safe and comfortable to share her vulnerability while interacting with the therapist.

Many survivors prefer to receive therapy from someone of the same gender and someone not associated with the church or institution where the abuse occurred.

There are specific treatment protocols for people (like ACSA survivors) who have experienced trauma. It would be worthwhile to discuss treatment options with a therapist to determine together which approach will best meet the survivor’s unique needs.

Clergy Sexual Misconduct. (n.d.). Getting Counseling after Adult Clergy Sexual Misconduct (CSM). Clergy Sexual Misconduct Information & Resources. Retrieved from www.clergysexualmisconduct.com

The Hope of Survivors. (n.d.). Resources: Find a Therapist or Counselor Online. The Hope of Survivors. Retrieved from www.thehopeofsurvivors.org

There is no universally agreed upon definition of trauma. However, a commonly referenced definition comes from the Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration:

Individual trauma results from an event, series of events, or set of circumstances that is experienced by an individual as physically or emotionally harmful or life threatening and that has lasting adverse effects on the individual’s functioning and mental, physical, social, emotional, or spiritual well-being.

The three primary types of trauma are acute, chronic, and complex trauma. Acute trauma is an emotional response resulting from a single event like an accident, rape, or natural disaster. Chronic trauma is repeated exposure or exposure over time to abuse or domestic violence. Complex trauma refers to a series of varied traumatic events over an extended period such as months or years. No matter the type of trauma one experiences, it is important to remember that trauma is never the fault of the victim.

Trauma expert, Bessel van der Kolk, MD, explains that “trauma literally becomes trapped in the body and the brain rewires itself.” This rewiring leads to feelings of despair, hopelessness, anger, and an altered self-perception. Other symptoms include:

• Distrust

• Suicidal thoughts

• Episodes of feeling detached from one’s body or mental processes

• Isolation, guilt, shame, or a feeling of being totally different from other people

• Helplessness and feeling hopeless

• Becoming preoccupied with revenge, or conversely, giving total power to the perpetrator

• Self-harm, self-mutilation

• Alcoholism, substance abuse

Van der Kolk, B. A. (2015). The body keeps the score: Brain, mind, and body in the healing of trauma. Penguin Books.

Bhandari, S. (Ed.). (2022). 6 common treatments for PTSD (post-traumatic stress disorder). Mental Health References. Retrieved from www.webmd.com

The Hope of Survivors. (n.d.). Resources: Find a therapist or counselor online. The Hope of Survivors. Retrieved from www.thehopeofsurvivors.org

According to the Diagnosticians Statistics Manual (DSM-V) (5th ed), someone with a narcissistic personality disorder is characterized by an inflated sense of self-importance and an excessive need for attention and admiration, and a lack of empathy for others. While there is a façade of extreme confidence, they often possess a fragile self-esteem that is sensitive to minor criticism and embraces a grandiose sense of self that elevates themselves above others.

There are two sub-types of narcissism as outlined by the DSM-V: covert and overt.

An overt narcissist is characterized by a sense of grandiosity and possesses a deep sense of entitlement and shows low to no anxiety. They frequently demonstrate attention-seeking behavior coupled with arrogance and display a lack of empathy.

A covert narcissist is characterized by a sense of vulnerability. This subtype is often shy and hyper-sensitive to minor criticisms. While they may not draw outward attention to themselves, they internally harbor grandiose beliefs about themselves and habitually compare themselves to others which results in chronic jealousy,

Both overt and covert narcissists are self-focused and self-absorbed. It is common for a narcissist to oscillate between characteristics found in both subtypes.

A third group that is sometimes omitted from the narcissistic subtypes are those described as “high functioning”. They use their narcissistic traits in adaptable ways to get ahead or succeed. This group is difficult to identify and may appear as if they do not have a personality disorder because of their adaptability.

Caligor, E., Levy, K., & Yeomans, F. (2015, April 30). Narcissistic personality disorder: Diagnostic and clinical challenges. American Journal of Psychiatry. Retrieved from www.ajp.psychiatryonline.org

Narcissistic traits are frequently present in perpetrators of adult clergy sexual abuse. Rarely will perpetrators have a formal diagnosis of narcissistic personality disorder, but there are common indicators.

Several studies have found that common characteristics of ACSA perpetrators are being moderately successful, and having some combination of narcissistic tendencies, sexual compulsions, and desire for affirmation.

Additionally, people with narcissistic traits are often drawn to professions that give them inherent positional authority and power over others, as well as a platform from which they can gain notoriety and prestige from others.

The position fuels their unholy desire to gain superiority and control. Therefore, religious organizations are often easy targets because of the lack of accountability and inherent teachings on love, grace, and forgiveness.

Garland, D. R., & Argueta, C. (2010). How clergy sexual misconduct happens: A qualitative study of first-hand accounts. Social Work & Christianity, 37(1), 1-27. Retrieved from www.citeseerx.ist.psu.edu

Not in Our Church. (2022). Narcissism and narcissistic personality disorder in the church. Not in our Church Awareness Page. Retrieved from www.notinourchurch.com

Ronstrom, B. (2022, January 13). 4 reasons churches attract narcissists: Willow life coaching and counseling. Willow Life Coaching and Counseling | Emotional, Spiritual, and Narcissistic Abuse Recovery Coaching and Counseling. Retrieved from www.willowlifecoach.com

DARVO is a reaction abusers use to shift the blame away from themselves and toward others when their wrongdoing is exposed. It is often used to avoid accountability.

DARVO is an acronym that stands for “Deny, Attack, Reverse Victim and Offender.” More specifically, the steps are to deny the behavior, attack the individual confronting the perpetrator, and reverse the roles of perpetrator and victim so the perpetrator now takes on the victim role and the victim appears to be the perpetrator. This is commonly seen when the perpetrator posits that he is falsely accused and works to discredit the actual victim’s statement or casts them as the perpetrator.

Freyd, J. (2022). What is DARVO? What is Darvo? Retrieved from www.dynamic.uoregon.edu

Harsey, S., & Freyd, J. J. (2020). Deny, Attack, and Reverse Victim and Offender (DARVO): What Is the Influence on Perceived Perpetrator and Victim Credibility?. Journal of Aggression, Maltreatment & Trauma, 29(8), 897-916. Retrieved from www.tandfonline.com

Thompson, L. A. (2020). Clergy Sexual Abuse as a Betrayal Trauma: Institutional Betrayal & a Call for Courageous [White paper]. Montclair State University. Retrieved from www.loriannethompson.com

A survivor is never obligated to meet with church leaders even if a meeting is requested. For her protection, she should not meet with anyone beyond those people she trusts until she is ready and equipped. It often takes substantial time and reflection to identify, understand, and process abuse of this nature. Meeting with people who are not informed and trained to support victims often leads to re-wounding and secondary trauma.

It’s imperative for survivors to first protect themselves physically, emotionally, and spiritually. Survivors are also advised to avoid meetings with church leaders in which they are asked to come alone. If she does choose to meet with leaders, the survivor is encouraged to bring a trusted friend and consider bringing a professional such as her therapist, a pastor or leader from another church, a victims’ advocate from the community, etc.

Preparation is crucial and a trusted person should take detailed notes for the survivor. If the survivor wishes to record the meeting then she needs to know the recording laws of the state (or country) in which she lives (see resource below). Additionally, extreme caution should be exercised if there is ever a request to sign any documents such as a statement, membership guidelines, or non-disclosure (or disparaging) agreement. Any documents where a signature is requested should be reviewed by an attorney and other professional members of the survivor’s support system.

Ultimately, the survivor should not feel undue pressure to meet with anyone that makes her feel unsafe or uncomfortable. Prioritizing her mental, emotional, and physical safety is of paramount importance. If she would like to proceed with the meeting, then preparation and caution are recommended.

McKnight, S. (2018). Non-disparagement agreements and truth-telling in the church. Jesus Creed. Retrieved from www.patheos.com

Recording Law. (2022). One-party consent states. Retrieved from www.recordinglaw.com

Survivors Awaken the Church. (n.d.). Reporting your abuser? How to survive the process. Clergy sexual misconduct: One survivor's voice. Retrieved from www.survivorsawakenthechurch.com

Pursuing litigation is ultimately a very personal decision. Many survivors answer this question by asking another question, “Why do I want to pursue litigation?” If the answer is to seek revenge or vindication, then legal action could possibly bring more harm and damage to the survivor’s mental and emotional health. If the answer is to see change and bring accountability to those responsible for the abuse, then seeking legal advice may be beneficial.

Whether or not a survivor decides to pursue litigation, she should prepare for it early. That includes documenting and saving everything relevant to the abuse including events, interactions, documents, emails, etc. This will assist with any potential legal proceedings.

Should one decide to continue with a formal lawsuit, it is imperative to practice self-care and seek support. This may include finding a trauma-informed therapist, joining a survivor-led support group, and prioritizing health and wellness.

Adults Abused by Clergy. (2011). State Laws Criminalize Clergy Sexual Relations with Congregant. State Criminal Laws on Sexual Misconduct. (2011). Retrieved from www.adultsabusedbyclergy.org

The Hope of Survivors. (2022). Resources. Find state laws regarding the sexual abuse of adults or children by clergy, or for legal assistance. Retrieved April 25, 2022, from www.thehopeofsurvivors.org

There is no harm in seeking legal counsel. It is important to be fully informed of your options. Many attorneys offer free consultations and depending on the type of case, they may work on contingency, meaning you will only pay them if they recover money on your behalf.

When looking for an attorney, it is important to look at their expertise and special interests in law. It’s also normal and helpful to talk with several attorneys before deciding on one. It is important to fully trust that your attorney has the understanding and experience to handle your case with wisdom and care.

Tchividjian , B. (2022, March 8). Sexual abuse attorney for victims: Boz Tchividjian sexual abuse lawyer. BozLawPA: Representing Survivors of Sexual Abuse Throughout the United States. Retrieved from www.bozlawpa.com

The Hope of Survivors. (n.d.). Resources. Find state laws regarding the sexual abuse of adults or children by clergy, or for legal assistance. Retrieved from www.thehopeofsurvivors.org