Secondary Victims of ACSA

At Restored Voices Collective, we support survivors of Adult Clergy Sexual Abuse. RVC survivors are women who have been sexually abused by a man who was in spiritual authority over them and had a fiduciary duty to protect and care for them. But did you know that Adult Clergy Sexual Abuse can result in multiple victims? These secondary victims can include the partner and children of the victim, the church congregation, co-workers of the abuser and the abused, and even the abuser’s partner. All these people are harmed in different ways by the same abuse.

One RVC survivor recalls the first time she was introduced to the concept:  

“He referred to husbands as ‘co-victims’ of the abuse because they have also been betrayed by the abuser. This made sense to me and it helped me better understand what my husband was going through.”

For each partner of an abuse victim, not only has their partner been sexually abused by their spiritual leader, but the core of their marriage has been violated by someone whom they trusted.

This reality explains why husbands and other partners - co-victims - often experience triggers, intrusive thoughts, feelings of inadequacy, a lack of sleep, and many more symptoms consistent with trauma. Through the chaos and confusion, husbands may also have confusing feelings and may wrongly experience their wife’s abuse as an infidelity even though she is an innocent victim. It may take time and the help of a trauma informed therapist for partners to understand what has happened so that they can begin to heal as individuals and better support their wives on their  journey. 

Sadly though, some of these marriages that have been violated from Adult Clergy Sexual Abuse will take years to rebuild. Devastatingly, some will never recover. 

Although the mission of Restored Voices Collective is to support the primary victims of ACSA, we recognize that ACSA leaves  a trail of secondary victims in its wake. We see you and support you as you heal alongside your wives. 

The following poem was written by Jason, the husband of a victim of Adult Clergy Sexual Abuse and a woman who is a member of the RVC community. We are grateful that he was willing to share how he has experienced his wife’s abuse. 

Wolf in priest’s clothing

raids and pillages

abuses and devours

For the destruction unleashed

I have no confession to make

Neither guilty nor innocent

But eviscerated, bleeding, and broken

Both patient and physician

Collecting the shattered pieces

Fighting like hell to understand

To protect what is Good

But there are…

No support groups

No twelve step plans

Avoided and patronized

Allusion to deeds, done and undone

Untouchable among the communion of saints

Once siblings, the children of God

Hide their faces from the bleed out

With their Peace of the Lord they vanish into the ether

Or grief stricken tend to their own bitter loss

And there are…

No roads to recovery

No grand narratives

I have no story

I am a nothing man