Many victims of ACSA experience thoughts such as “Why didn’t I speak up when I felt uncomfortable and stop it?” “I kept it a secret so it must be my fault.” and “I’m an adult, I should have told someone sooner and gotten out of the situation.”
However, here are six reasons you are not to blame for your abuse (Scheffers, 2018):
1. You had a right to expect your abuser would honor his professional contract.
2. Your idealization of your pastor was normal.
3. Your abuser’s grooming was incremental and entrapping.
4. Your attachment to your pastor was normal. His intensification of that attachment was not.
5. Your abuser controlled the relationship.
6. You are not to be blamed for being naïve and needy.
Additionally, many survivors relate to experiencing a trauma response known as “fawning” and this may account for why they didn’t confide in someone, leave, or confront their abuser.
The “fawn response” is characterized by putting others' needs before your own, feeling codependent, or prioritizing pleasing others. This response is often confused by victim-blamer type people with complicity or camaraderie with the abuser.
To understand more about the “fawn response” and its relationship to abuse, read more from the below cited resources.
Raypole, C. (2021, August 26). Fight, flight, freeze, or Fawn? understanding trauma responses. The Beginner’s Guide to Trauma Responses. Retrieved from www.healthline.com
Ryder, G. (2022, January 10). Fawn response: Adding to the fight, flight, or freeze framework. Psych Central. Retrieved from www.psychcentral.com
Scheffers, M. (2018). Why Adult Victims of Clergy Sexual Abuse Are Not to Blame [White paper]. Retrieved from www.markscheffers.com